Alix Strauss-The Joy of Funerals
Newly reissued after 20 years, The Joy of Funerals by award-winning author and lifestyle journalist, is remarkably relevant. It’s a reflection of a culture that’s ready to talk about loss and loneliness.
Alix Strauss, Award-winning author, trend journalist and New York TImes lifestyle contributor writes about culture.
JA: What inspired you to write about death and dying?
I’ve always found funerals and memorials fascinating. In 1998, I wrote an essay for the “Lives” section for the New York Times Magazine that talked about why I loved funerals – which I still do…It’s because I’m an only child. I’m actually the only only child in my family on both sides. So as everyone has always had more than one child except my parents, who could have had several and chose just to have me. We were not a close family, and I wasn’t invited to any family events -- except for a funeral, which happened rarely. And so they became my reunions. Everyone’s invited because everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye. At these funerals, I met family members, many for the first time. It was defining and created a sense – be it a temporary one – of belonging. At the same time, I had written a few short stories and realized that in each of them, someone had died or they revolved around a death. These very interesting women were left to deal with their loss, longing and grief. I combined those shorts with a fictional idea, inspired by the Times’ essay – what if I had a character that went to other people’s funerals. What if that character somehow connected all of these stories together. I’m always interested in how our lives are interwoven and why certain people come in and out of our lives. And I was fascinated by the idea of this woman being so desperate for connection that the only way she can achieve it, is through going to other stranger’s funerals – one of the most intense and connective experiences.
JA: What does death literacy mean to you?
Perhaps these are edgy, deep and forward thinking novels, memoirs and nonfiction works that focus on death, grief, loss, and things that readers equate with a darkness or unattractiveness. But dark and unattractive usually mean real, raw, deep and honest. But because we miss label them, people shy away from reading about these themes. There’s beauty in something dark and unattractive, and it would be amazing if we could start to embrace that and look at death and things that are deeply dark in a non-frightening, non-threating way.
JA: What is your current state of mind?
Since it’s Dec. 31st, which I usually spend making lists – goals, what I’ve accomplished or haven’t during this year, what I hope to accomplish next year, and how I can go about doing that and who do I need to contact to help make that happen…I’m what I would call uncharacteristically “realistically optimistic with a hint of pessimism.”
JA: What is your idea of perfect happiness?
This is clearly a fantasy because I don't even think this exists nor have I ever experienced it per se, at least not all at once but…a really spacious and luxurious hotel suite with great outdoor space, situated in incredibly warm, sunny weather, with a number of good friends in adjacent rooms. I’d love to include a high-end, gourmet buffet, with a dessert and coffee bar, and no matter what I consume, is miraculously fat-free and low in calories. Group activities and quality time with said friends. A handful of movies that have been on my must-see list. A gifting room filled with items I don't already own, paired with free boxes and postage so I can send items to people I know. And maybe a scavenger hunt. I’d also take a 3- or 4-month book tour filled with heavily attended reading and well-paid speaking events where everyone buys 10 or more copies for their friends who couldn’t come…
JA: What do you believe is life’s most essential lesson?
Oh my God is this a hard question to answer because there are so many, and it can take a lifetime to learn them. Some of these might be considered life’s philosophies for me as well…(1) It’s not only what you say, but how you say it. (2) It's not the situation but also how you deal with it. (3) There’s a solution to almost everything. (4) We very often confuse people who are specific with people who are difficult or controlling, and those are very different things. (5) It can take forever to find the right person or people to spend your life with.
JA: Do you have a favorite quote?
That’s a hard one – I have so many...these came to mind first: “When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.” “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.” “When people show you who they are believe them the first time.”
JA: What are you reading, what’s on your bedside table?
The truly extensive and overwhelming tome that is the Barbra Streisand memoir.
JA: Do you have a favorite writer or book?
I didn't really understand that people read for pleasure until college, which is where I learned about the magnitude and tangibility of books, and the importance of writing and of writers. In my late teens/early 20s, I fell in love with bookstores and discovered a handful of wonderful writers: Brett Easton Ellis, Jay McInerny, Katherine Harrison, and Carrie Fisher.
JA: What book would you like to be buried with?
How to successfully come back as an attractive, happy and inviting ghost.
JA: What is your exit plan? How would you like to die?
In my sleep – with an updated copy of my Will found easily in my box of important papers.
JA: If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?
A sunny day. Or a really loved and doted on puppy. Some dogs have the most charmed and cared for life.
JA: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
“Holy Shit, did I make things hard for you. And you got back up every time. Really sorry, but very impressed. Welcome in. Here you’ll be greatly loved, valued and understood. PS – you know that question about perfect happiness, after you’ve settled in, have we got a week of activities planned for you…“
