by William Murray

There was a great scene in the movie Secondhand Lions that always stuck with me. In it, The Robert Duval character was explaining that there are some things you have to believe in order to live, whether they are true or not.

When my wife, Irene, died in early 2017, I quickly realized there were some things I had to choose to believe, whether they were true or not, just to be able to continue living.

I had to believe she still existed, was still with me, still loved me and wanted to continue our relationship.

I had to believe that the afterlife existed in a way that would allow us to be fully reunited in every way I hoped and longed for.

I had to believe there was a way to develop our ability to communicate and interact while I was still alive here.

I had to believe it was possible to get past the grief and regain that fulfilling, joyful, hopeful experience with her, even before my own death.

I knew I could not go on living in agony and despair, with constant doubts and fear. I also knew I could not ever "move on" from the love of my life, the person who is everything to me. So, I decided to fully commit to these beliefs, regardless of what anyone else might say, regardless of anything I might read or see or hear.

I didn't care if it was true or not, if it could be evidenced or not, if anyone agreed or not, if I lost any friends or family because of it or not.

I chose to live my life by those beliefs going forward; to think and act with every breath as if those things were true. I simply would not listen to anyone or anything saying otherwise, whether it was some outside source or from within. No expert, authority or spiritual/religious priest, pastor, rabbi or guru could tell me otherwise.

Today, almost five years later, I am extremely happy. I feel whole and very enthusiastic, and I have been grief-free for several years. My family accepted and respected my dedication to my wife and our continued relationship. I have made more friends than I ever thought possible who share these beliefs.

It might sound strange to think that one could simply choose what they believe, but it can be done. You don't have to submit to the beliefs of other people if you don’t want to.