by Holly Strelzik

My devout Catholic family had a tradition of going to midnight mass on Christmas eve. Returning home to our Civil War home nestled in the Kentucky hills, the spread of presents under the tree extended for at least eight feet in all directions! It looked picture perfect. With the candles lit and the fireplaces roaring, my siblings and I enjoyed my mother’s perfectly arranged displays of cookies and delectables. Despite outward appearances, it was far from perfect.

The lights, candles, food, and bountiful gifts only masked the truth. From my earliest childhood memories I remember swearing to myself I would not carry this experience into my adult life, into my future family. You see there was a monster in the house. Turns out everything about my “fine upstanding” father, a pillar of the community and his church was a lie. Being on the receiving end of his alcohol-infused monstrous rants made me who I am.

To have knowledge of someone’s past is a path towards understanding, healing and love. The pain of the past is not the pain of the now. It’s different. It has shifted. I hold compassion for what makes people who they are. Accepting the past for what it was allowed me to create a holiday free of childhood baggage. Now it is real and there’s no place I would rather be.

As I sit next to my young husband struggling with Alzheimer’s, I recognize nothing is more important than being with him in the moment. Munching on walnuts (brain food) and carrot sticks, has become a meditation in grace. While it shouldn’t take illness or loss to find meaning in life, most of us are very skilled at burying the pain and hurt of the past— feelings gone wrong.

Especially around the Holiday season or in the winter in general, grief resulting from losses of any kind – relationships, death, illnesses and so much more – can begin to feel insurmountable. Perhaps there is no one thing you can point to, but rather an accumulation of grief from a lifetime. If you feel like this is the time to begin to look at the grief within you, your losses, and your relationship with grief itself, you might consider joining me for an 8-Week Grief Recovery Method® Small-Group Workshop online. We will begin Tuesday, January 3rd at 7:00pm ET for about an hour, continuing for eight consecutive Tuesdays. Places are limited to eight, so that I am able to truly dedicate myself to the group, as we move through a loss into completion. You’ll also have a partner and the possibility to join an alumni group afterward for continued support. Sessions will take place via Zoom and will not be recorded. For more information and to reserve your place, please visit my website here. '