As a community doula, Francesca Arnoldy has worn many hats. The breath of her experience includes death literacy educator, researcher & author.

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JA: What inspired you to write about death and dying?

My personal experiences with loss inspired my work at the end of life as well as my writing. I find that when I’m processing complex topics, I first turn inward to ponder, and then I grab a pen to journal. Sometimes the lessons I’ve learned from those I’ve supported seem useful enough to share with others. My books are generally in the form of “what I wish I’d known then” so that others might feel more prepared.

JA: What does death literacy mean to you?

Death literacy means remembering our mortality and learning how to navigate life’s end. It means cultivating an understanding of deathcare systems and options, and also how to show up for people as brave, kind fellow humans, not necessarily experts.

JA: What is your Most Treasured Possession?

Physical belongings don’t have a particularly strong hold on me. I have many treasures that I do enjoy, especially thoughtful gifts or cards, but if I were to imagine needing to flee my home and grabbing just one object, I’d probably choose my death journal. It’s a remembrance project meant for my loved ones for whenever I end up dying. It has years of messages, mementos, and memories. It’s a comfort to me knowing I might still be able to offer solace to their grieving hearts even in my absence.  

JA: What Do You Hope For?

I hope Bevival’s activism on behalf of the death literacy movement helps more people remember their own humanity in addition to their mortality.

JA: What do you believe is life’s most essential lesson?

To realize we each make an impact whether we’re intention about it or not, so why not aim to leave an imprint of compassion and connection.

JA: Do you have a favorite quote?

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” Rumi

JA: What are you reading, what’s on your bedside table?

I always have a few books going at any given time, but the one that’s really capturing my attention currently is MoneyZen: The Secret to Finding Your Enough by Manisha Thakor. I highly, highly recommend it for a healthy mindset shift!

JA: Do you have a favorite writer or book?

I tend to love nonfiction books on topics I’m studying and memoirs that are true-to-life in their unpredictability and humility. One that rises to the top because it’s so beautifully written is In Love by Amy Bloom.

JA: What book would you like to be buried with?

It’s hard to imagine wanting to take a cherished book with me (versus leaving it behind in hopes someone else might appreciate it). But maybe my picture book, Map of Memory Lane, because it connects me to my ancestors.

JA: What is your exit plan? How would you like to die?

If I have any say in it, I hope to die in a way that will be least traumatic for those who love me most. Ideally, I’ll be surrounded by caring people, I will have said what’s on my mind and in my heart, and I’ll feel satisfied, grateful and ready(ish) for the mystery to unfold.

JA: If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

A dragonfly. I like watching them fly and love their associated symbolism with transformation.

JA: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

The familiar voices of those who’ve gone before me welcoming me back home.

Please support this series by using our link to purchase The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared

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Exit Interviews May Be Gently Edited for Clarity