Love Notes to Grievers is a relatable and soothing pocket companion for the profound messiness of loss and crippling heartache.

1. What inspired you to write about death and dying?

I would replace the word inspired with necessity. Writing about death and dying was a way for me to process overwhelming grief from the death of a friend, my father and grandmother in short succession. Writing the pain helped me to be with this new version of myself and, in that, be with others, too—the grievers, humans who know loss and the visceral gut punch of loving those who are no longer here. And then having to tenderly find ways to keep living with a shattered heart.

Writing about death and dying supports me to be in my body, to be fully present in my relationships, and to be a soft landing for those who need an ear—a beating heart that knows. Writing is my way of offering words of understanding of the breaking and the beauty of what comes from allowing ourselves to live and die in each other's arms, not once, but a handful of times—the people we used to be—the people we used to know, that are still alive and haunt us—the people that walked alongside us but are no longer here. And still, we get to love until our dying breath. Writing about death and dying helps me keep living.

2. What is your current state of mind?

There are a few states I flow in and out of lately: a gut-deep sadness, disgust at acts of war and the death of innocent lives. In my day-to-day life, there is an untethering to the nattering noise around me. A quieting of the noise is helping my mind become less overwhelmed. I am trying to lean into ease when it will have me. I welcome it with open arms after so much heartbreak.

3. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

I don't believe in perfect happiness. Even those two words together makes me squirm. Western culture puts so much pressure on states of happiness that we miss the moments of connection, betray each other in our darkest moments for a false idea of happiness. Maybe it's just protection from discomfort. I don't know. We need to shift some beliefs around happiness, to be honest with each other, and that there to me is the driver of happiness. Being able to be our whole selves, accepted as is, vulnerable is happiness, but it's never perfect.

4. What do you believe is life’s most essential lesson?

Know when your shame is running the show, and also learn to apologize (correctly). To be aware of how they intertwine. To apologize and repair relational ruptures, we must be embodied enough to feel the shame preventing us from the connections we desire and how we need to nourish and sustain them. The root of the realness we all need is to make friends with your shame and be aware of your wounds, trying to prevent those connections from happening or expanding their depth.

5. What are you reading, what’s on your bedside table?

Strong Female Character by Fern Brady.

6. Do you have a favorite quote?

I really connect with this one from RUMI: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

7. Do you have a favorite writer or book?

Signal Fires and A Year of Magical Thinking are at the top of my list.

8. What book would you like to be buried with?

I am not attached to one book, but if I had to choose, I would probably get a loved one to play a game, go to a bookstore, run around, stop, and whatever book is in front they have to read and throw in with me.

9. What is your exit plan? How would you like to die?

To be at home surrounded by the people I love listening to my death playlist. There’s good food on the table. People are bringing all of themselves, leaving no words left unsaid, no holding back, making connection to the very end.

10. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

No thank you. Pass.

11. Finish this sentence: on my perfect last day, I’d like…

A day by the ocean with friends and family. I want to lay in the sand and be brought into the water to dip one more time and be surrounded by the sounds of the ocean. To gather all my favourite smells— smell is so underrated, music playing, a beach fire too.

12. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

ALL were always welcome.

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Exit Interviews are gently edited for clarity